We Don't Lie to Our Children

I worked as a nanny for the S family for a while, which was one of my most rewarding jobs and the most difficult to leave. I remember on day one, Momma S sat me down and told me about things I needed to know about their family: The kids can eat whenever they're hungry, no foul language, and we never lie to our children.

Really? Never? It seemed so simple, and yet so foreign. I didn't know any other parent who could say they never lie to their children. Everyone I knew was notorious for saying. We'll come back tomorrow, we're all out of cookies, or If you don't eat your vegetables you'll never grow up.

It's such an obvious notions. Be honest with your children (save things that are inappropriate for their age or part of childhood ignorance like the tooth fairy or the birds and the bees). And if your honest with your children, they will trust you. But what does it look like in practice.

Children who have never seen or felt dishonesty, will not have a dishonest heart. That's not say to say that shame or fear will never cause them to keep secrets or tell fibs. But at the same time, truthfulness and forth coming will be the norm, and deceit will be uncomfortable at best.

But it's sometimes easier said than done. It's so much easier to tell a child we're out of cookies, than to try to explain that cookies are not a good snack right now. And it's such a quick fix to tell a child if they get in the car right now we can go to the park later. There's a reason not everyone is so keen to jump on this band wagon. And not just because it's too hard. It's because some parents feel it's not worth the trade off. White lies won't create a demon child or making them think mommy is always crying wolf. And sometimes it's difficult when a four-year-old complains, but you said.... and you have to stick to your word.

However, if a child knows they can trust their parent 100% of the time, then it will come in handy when it counts. When you say you can't play in the street because it's dangerous and you could get hurt. They know you mean it. And you can tell them we need to eat vegetables because they are important for our body and keep us healthy, and even though vegetables will always suck, they will know that they keep us healthy and there will be no doubt.

Our kids get so many messages from the world around them. They need to be able to believe ours.